the controversial christian

DE-FRIENDING: The Ultimate Punishment in a Girlfight

Facebook Etiquette is one book that has yet to be written.  We have been conditioned since we were youngsters on things such as manners, social skills, housekeeping, and the list goes on, but one gray area with no right or wrong answers is the world of Girl Fights.  Christian or non-Christian, it is all one in the same and what a shame that truly is..

I was recently de-friended by someone I’ve known for quite a few years, who as far as I knew, had no problem with me.  Instead of confronting me or even explaining the reason for de-friending me, she just erased me from her friends list (and right out of her life, as we all know Facebook is equivalent!).  Disclaimer: To this day, I have not one bad thing to say about her—she is a wonderful wife and mother and I’ve never known her to be anything but a Godly example. (well, until she harassed me about writing this blog)

I’ll be honest and say that this really bothered me.  I care about this person and have shared a great deal of intimate details about my life with her. It made me really want to examine myself.  Mind you, I am an opinionated, argumentative person so granted, I have come to grips with not getting along with everybody, but there is one area I do take pride in and that is being a friend.  I don’t think anyone who has ever known me can accuse me of being a bad friend and if they do, I can promise it wasn’t intentional.

The act of de-friending without contacting me first showed me that I was mistaken to believe we had a friendship of depth and substance.  I am learning the difference between a friend and an acquaintance, and how one person cannot be both.  I try so hard to actively build relationships with people who are meant to just be acquaintances.  Friendships are not meant to stay the same, go in the same direction, all of your life.  People change (including you) and so do your relationships. 

I am one of those people who refuses to miss a memory and I never let go of people, no matter the time, events, or distance that has changed or separated us and it’s time to lose this mentality.  No matter how you may care for someone, they may not care for you the same.  Or they may care for you, but the relationship as a whole is just not healthy or productive.  The important thing is not to grow bitter when these friendships dissipate and continue to pray for and love that person, because that’s what God would do for us, the many times in life we unknowingly leave Him and His will for our lives.

The moral of the story:  Godly friendship involves complete and total unconditional love, honesty (and not “brutal” honesty, but truth spoken in love), encouragement, support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a hand to help, however and whenever they are needed.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for the day of adversity.

Advice: If this does not describe you, for your own sake, make a change!  To have friends, you must BE a friend.

If this does not describe your circle of friends (or even family!) LOSE THEM! I know I did and I am so much happier knowing exactly who I can count on and who I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, will be there for me, and always speak highly of me, even if they don’t agree with everything I do or say.